OH yes I can

2004 (age 4) “Samantha Victoria Brown!!” oh great… I think to myself. My whole name echoes through the house. This is not a good sign. I hear my mom scream my name from the kitchen, and I know I’m in deep trouble. I sheepishly reply, “Yes ma’am?” My mom has a disapproving look on her face as she explains to me that I’m in trouble because I’ve disobeyed her orders. I wasn’t allowed to leave the dinner table without finishing my vegetables, but no one else had finished them. Lauren and Boyd, my elder brother and sister were granted permission to leave, “so why wasn’t I?” I thought to myself. Being ten years younger than my sister and seven years younger than my brother, gave me an unfair advantage. I wasn’t allowed to do the things the ‘big kids’ did and this incident made me ponder about why I wasn’t given the same privileges as my siblings.

Around that same time I soon became known as the “package.” The Browns didn’t know the trouble they would be getting themselves into. My life wouldn’t be the same. By the time I was old enough to be social and have friends, my siblings were driving and had their own lives to worry about. I was the last kid my parent would have to tote around or force my siblings to deliver me, the package, where I needed to be. I am very aware I wasn’t planned. It did seem to work out for my parents as they had babysitters available most of the time.

2007 (Age 7) Being significantly younger than my siblings gave me quite a bit of leeway as the years went by. My parents seemed to become less strict with me, and I soon became somewhat spoiled. It may have been because they felt bad I was so much younger, which made me able to get away with quite a bit. Growing up I truly thought I could do anything and get away with it. I found myself thinking, “ If they can do it, so can I.” However, thinking this way made me find out the hard way that this wasn’t the case. Boyd, my big bother, was always on the lookout for something fun and, most likely, unsafe, to do over the summer. We lived on a creek called Black Creek in Green Cove Springs, Florida. One summer, my parents were gone at the store and Boyd decided that we needed a rope swing and no one was around to stop him. I, unfortunately, was the devil on his shoulder and helped him with his scheme. He gave the swing a couple tries to make sure it would hold and I couldn’t wait any longer. My excitement got the best of me. I grabbed onto the handles and walked back, preparing for takeoff. I kicked my feet forward and swung over the bulkhead. I felt the sun on my face and the wind in my hair. Just before I was about to let go, Boyd screamed, “SNAKE.” My heart dropped. I may have only been seven, but my life seemed to be in danger and I thought, “I cannot die yet.” I held on to the swing as if my life depended it. I could feel my hands start to slip but I was almost back to the bulkhead. I was one foot away from being on land and away from the snake when WHACK. My hands had slipped and I had busted my chin open on the bulkhead. Not only was I bleeding heavily, but also I was terrified that the snake was still after me. I climbed up the ladder to safety, until I fainted on the ground. I woke up with twenty-two stitches in my chin and tucked away in bed.

2014 (age 14) I have learned that being told, “you can’t do that” or “ you are too young” are the kinds of phrases that motivate me. I started dancing competitively in 2014. In a competitive dance environment it means that there is always the chance that someone else may be better than you. But when trying to win you can’t think that and instead only focus on what you can do and then strive for success. I soon found a dancer that truly inspired me. Fourteen-year-old me was scrolling through Facebook when I came across an Under Armor commercial. This specific commercial started off with the reading of a rejection letter to a 13-year-old African-American dancer. This dancer was Misty Copeland, who went on to become the first African-American Female Principal Dancer with the American Ballet Theatre. In that second I had a self-realization and said to myself, “everyone may get rejected at some point in his or her life but we must learn to not let someone else’s opinion stop us from trying to reach our goals”.

2018 (18 years old) After many years of repeating, “if they can do it, so can I” my appointed self-mantra turned in to “Oh yes I can”. It had escalated to a whole new level. On my eighteenth birthday, I marched myself down to a tattoo shop. I wanted to permanently remember all of the memories I had because of my older siblings. I tattooed “OH YES I CAN” on my right arm. Reminding myself that I can do anything I put my mind to. However, with this mindset it may lead to accidents, but they aren’t necessarily bad as these accidents allow us to learn. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it weren’t for these accidents, or the most important accident, me.

Since I am so much younger than my siblings, I realize now how hard it must have been for my parents to raise me. I was an experimental child and there are many stories to support this argument. I wouldn’t be the person I am today if it weren’t for my siblings and their influence on me. As my siblings are much older than me, it forced me to be mature not only around them, but in other life experiences and as a result I feel as if that has prepared me for the stages in my life to come.